A Tale of Two Cheeses
Monday March 24th 2025
In the USA, pimento cheese is iconic. The dip/spread, made from grated cheese, mayo and/or cream cheese, diced red peppers, and other ingredients like cayenne, chillies, Worcestershire sauce, and whatever else you fancy, is a staple—especially in the Southern states. I've even heard it referred to as the caviar of the South.
It's an icon of the Masters golf tournament, which I don't understand—mainly because I couldn't care less about golf. Mark Twain said it was a good walk spoilt, and I agree. Whenever I see the letters LPGA, I don't think of putting greens or teeing off—I think it stands for Lesbians Playing Golf Again... yawn.
Here, on this side of the pond, we have cheese savoury. No, I don't mean cheese and onion sandwich filling. I mean cheese savoury, which is a different beast—one mainly found, and most popular, in my home county of Cumbria.
Similar sandwich fillings are found up and down the country under different names, such as cheese salad, but none of them quite match up to cheese savoury in my eyes.
Lashings of mayo and salad cream—both are essential, in my humble opinion. Mayo for rich creaminess, salad cream for piquancy. A grating of strong, sharp Cheddar. Cucumber and tomato—only the flesh of both—diced into tiny flecks. Red onion, finely chopped. All mixed into a glorious concoction.
Unlike pimento cheese, the mayo/salad cream isn’t just there to bind everything together—oh no. This is a much looser affair, and the other way around. The cheese is there to give the sauces texture and stop it from becoming an utterly lunatic mayo-only sandwich.
It must always be served on white bread. No brown here. Baps or stotties are also acceptable. A cheese savoury stottie from the Harvest Bakery was my lunch of choice when I was let loose from secondary school with my lunch money. Open it up, slip in a few salt and vinegar crisps, throw in a carton of Tip-Top blue bubblegum pop, and you had the staple diet of me and most of my classmates circa 1991.
My nana did a mixture of red Cheddar and crumbly Lancashire in her cheese savoury—daring but delightful. Browsing the internet for recipes, I discovered that some weirdos include grated carrot, especially in the North East, apparently. But don’t be doing that to my cheese savoury. No, thank you. Spring onions, celery, and peppers are other additions I deem unnecessary, but they’re at least less controversial.
Over the years, cheese savoury has stayed in its lane—never venturing into gourmet territory or much further south than Junction 36 on the M6. It’s been spotted on a jacket potato now and again, but that’s as avant-garde as it’s getting.
Meanwhile, pimento cheese has been on an entirely different journey. Its status has been elevated from a working-class sandwich staple to an epicurean delight. It’s no longer just in lunchboxes; it’s in white-tablecloth restaurants and gourmet delis all over America.
It’s adorned burgers and charcuterie boards, been made with artisanal cheeses, truffle mayonnaise, and fire-roasted fresh red peppers. I’ve seen smoked versions, mac 'n' cheese, and even risottos enriched with it.
While pimento cheese is out there living its best life, cheese savoury is still largely unknown. Languishing in its cling-filmed triangle in Wharton’s garage. And I say—enough is enough!
The time has come. Pimento cheese had its glow-up—now it’s time for cheese savoury to step into the limelight! Where’s my cheese savoury burger?
Where is my Montgomery’s or Keen’s Cheddar cheese savoury BLT?
WHERE IS MY CHEESE SAVOURY DEVILLED EGG?
Nowhere, that’s where.
Well, I’m here to start the revolution! Take to the streets! Wave my cheese banner! Bang on the doors of Waitrose until they heed my cry!
Though, let’s be realistic—I’m British. And Northern. So I’m not going to, am I?
I’m going to tut loudly and sit quietly, eating my cheese savoury stottie in the corner, grumbling to myself.
And that, dear reader, is cheese savoury’s problem.
It’s just too British.
So here's my recipe for pimento cheese.
Pimento cheese
250g mature cheddar
250g red leicester
3 egg yolks
1 heaped teaspoon dijon mustard
1 ½ tablespoons apple cider vinegar
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
½ – ¾ cup neutral tasting veg oil like rapeseed
pinch of salt
3 dashes worcestershire sauce
¼ – ½ tsp cayenne pepper
6 drops tabasco
1 red pepper
1 poblano chilli
Rub a small amount of oil on the surface of the pepper and the poblano and place in a 250c preheated oven for 10 -15 minutes or until all blackened and roasted
remove and allow to cool
Put the egg yolks, mustard and vinegar in the bowl of a food processor and turn it on, whilst spinning slowly drizzle in the oil until you have thick unctuous mayonnaise, you may need less or more oil, depending on egg sizes etc. As soon as you have fluffy thick mayo stop.
Remove the skins from the peppers with the unsharpened side of a knife, and the seeds too. Dice into cubes.
Grate the cheeses and mix with the mayo. Add the diced peppers, worcestershire, tabasco, salt and cayenne to taste, mix all thoroughly.
Tastes better and spicier after a few hours in the fridge
Today's sweet treat - Starbucks cinnamon bun from a too good to go bag
Today's ear worm - Pink Pony Club - Chapell Roan (make it stop now)
This week's read + The care and feeding of ravenously hungry girls - Anissa Gray (audible)